Well, his first job was at a grocery store while he was in high school. I stood with him (supported) when he told me he hated the grocery store job and asked if he could quit. Was my first job also when I was 17 and I hated it. LOL. Then he pissed me off when he took more than 6 months to "find" the perfect job, wanted to work someplace that one of his friends worked. Told me one too many times "I'm looking for a job"
I told him, "tomorrow I am going to show you the difference between looking and getting" I took him to one of the Manpower type businesses that find employees for employers. Because he speaks perfect English, does not have face tattoos and has never been in prison. He was hired on the spot and working the next day. He had to stand in a freezer and assemble Starbucks sandwiches on an assembly line with ex-cons with face tattoos that spoke very little English.
He hated the job but he learned how easy it is to get a job and the principle of stepping stones. Start with what you can get and move UP. It's easier to get a job when you already have one. I had him work with me for a year, was going to turn the business over to him when I retire, both sons don't not want to do what I do, even though he could be making $100.00 an hour within 3 years.
He decided to go the Army route, did a 6x8?(6 active, 2 reserve) tour as a blackhawk helicopter mechanic, deployed 3 times. Because he has 90% disability from the Army he really doesn't need to work so he took an easy job at Autozone. It's hard to watch your kid take a chit job that he is highly over qualified for. I just couldn't let it go and kept planting seeds until he got to the point where the wonderful Autozone customers helped motivate him to seek employment where there are less customers with impulse/anger control issues.
I just happened to meet with a client and it came up in conversation. He was actively looking for someone with automotive knowledge for counter sales. He knew my son had experience looking up parts and extensive auto parts vocabulary knowledge. It was a good match for both parties.
The short answer is I don't talk TO my son's, I talk with them. Instead of telling them what they should be doing, I use other people and myself as examples to teach concepts and life skills. I talk with both of my sons a lot, but NOT like a parent. I learned from others I know that if we don't stop parenting when our kids become adults, we WILL push them away. Making them too comfortable makes it harder for them to self motivate also. Doing too much for them creates dependents instead of adults.
Kind of funny, my son and I just talked about this last night, got a good laugh about the freezer sandwiches job.
